the end?

i wish i was in a position to make the choices i want and need to enable my life to be better. i'm kind of scared right now. i've always been hard-headed and stubborn about how i feel and where my mind is at. i've hidden all emotion under this tough skin and refused to let anyone in. i was content with the good and bad decisions i've made but now i'm not so sure. i think i've pushed great people away. my poor judgment has left me in a place i'm unfamiliar with. i know i'm wrong for what i've done and said but in times of desperation people tend to say things in defense of oneself. i'll be gone for at least a month starting the day after christmas and i will be spending each day thinking about the things i've done wrong. is it wrong to want to start 2008 the same way i started 07? i want to tell you, you're all i think about without having to say a word to you. i want so much back. unfortunately, i feel as if i've made this bed and now i have to lay in it. in my head, 2008 will be spent alone and i can't say i'm very happy about that. even with people, i still feel out of place cause you're not in my life. here's to wishing you come back to me once i come back home. maybe you'll forget me, maybe you won't. i doubt i'll be updating this for awhile, but if i do it will be from tour and i'm sure no one will read it.