tempting

this building smells familiar. I've wandered these halls before. ran
my hand along the walls painted pale yellow. the rooms remind me of
regret and taste of old decisions. I like the sleep I've received
while staying the night. I came across a half vacant room. clothes
thrown on the floor and the bed precariously messed up. the odor that
fills the 4 walled place of temporary residence is one I know. is it
who I think it is? is this where it happened? I've searched for the
moment but never found solace in make believe fairy tales. the love
that was transfered between the most intimate of times tells a story
of lost cause. the time it takes to relive a memory only happens when
nothing else matters. staring into the eyes of some stranger reeks of
discontent. maybe it's the clothes she wears. maybe it's the way she
carried herself that makes me melt. I have feelings for someone that
isn't here. my mind drifts from want to need and back to want. this
twisting and turning has become the nightly routine for a broken
spirited, almost barely breathing shell I call my body. her scent has
me missing home. but where is home? the usual shelter of her arms, our
bodies entwined for hours, even days or months, has seemed to
disappear. I did it. I've ruined a good thing with my bad intentions.
I left for the world but my whole world was already in front of me.
all I had, my only glimmer of hope, I turned it into my worst enemy.
she hates me. I still wander these halls, still in love with a ghost.
I'm haunted by a closed chapter of the book I never wanted to put
down. wishful words muttered to an empty room remind me that I am
alone. I will be always be alone. this building smells familiar, it's
cold and it's where I rest my head at night. this sadness is
overwhelming.