Monday, December 24, 2007

the end?

i wish i was in a position to make the choices i want and need to enable my life to be better. i'm kind of scared right now. i've always been hard-headed and stubborn about how i feel and where my mind is at. i've hidden all emotion under this tough skin and refused to let anyone in. i was content with the good and bad decisions i've made but now i'm not so sure. i think i've pushed great people away. my poor judgment has left me in a place i'm unfamiliar with. i know i'm wrong for what i've done and said but in times of desperation people tend to say things in defense of oneself. i'll be gone for at least a month starting the day after christmas and i will be spending each day thinking about the things i've done wrong. is it wrong to want to start 2008 the same way i started 07? i want to tell you, you're all i think about without having to say a word to you. i want so much back. unfortunately, i feel as if i've made this bed and now i have to lay in it. in my head, 2008 will be spent alone and i can't say i'm very happy about that. even with people, i still feel out of place cause you're not in my life. here's to wishing you come back to me once i come back home. maybe you'll forget me, maybe you won't. i doubt i'll be updating this for awhile, but if i do it will be from tour and i'm sure no one will read it.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

she's my obsession, you're my obsession.

we live on a mountain
right at the top
there's a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain

every morning I walk towards the edge
and throw little things off
like: car parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever I find lying around

it's become a habit
a way to start the day

i go through all this - before you wake up
so I can feel happier - to be safe up here with you

it's early morning
no one is awake
i'm back at my cliff
still throwing things off

i listen to the sounds they make
on their way down
i follow with my eyes 'til they crash
imagine what my body would sound like
slamming against those rocks

when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?

i go through all this - before you wake up
so I can feel happier - to be safe up here with you

"It was inspired by a situation I saw a lot of my friends get in to. I really like reading magazines about science, you see, and when people fall in love, they make this kind of drug in their bodies so they become addicted to each other physically.

Nature makes things so that the drug lasts for three years, so if they're together they're just on a natural high. Nature makes sure that people get three years to sort out if they want to be together for life or not; that three years is a try out time. Then they wake up and it's a 'Whoops, what am I doing here?' kind of thing? Then they are forced to sort out if they love the person, like real love, or if it was just a trick.

I just read this article and I looked at all my friends since I was a kid, and I saw that it always happened after three years, it's so strange. You think you've never seen people so much in love and then after three years, like precisely, they ring the phone in the middle of the night and it's , 'Björk, I'm coming over' and they come over and say 'I don't love him, what is it? I don't look forward to coming home anymore. What's wrong?' Then at that point I could actually say, 'Well listen, it's science.'

They get really hurt of course, it's this David Attenborough dilemma I've got, I really want to be him. Another completely different angle on the same thing is when you fall in love with a person, you think that might be the last time, that maybe you will never ever fall in love again, so it becomes a very precious thing to you. So you start showing the person you're in love with you're best side only and you keep all your bad parts in the bag behind your back.

For some terrible reason, for which I'm actually a bit pissed off with, is when you fall in love with a person you start to separate into two sides and you're only sweet with them.

So basically, 'Hyper-ballad' is about having this kind of bag going on and three years have passed and you're not high anymore. You have to make an effort consciously and nature's not helping you anymore. So you wake up early in the morning and you sneak outside and you do something horrible and destructive, break whatever you can find, watch a horrible film, read a bit of William Burroughs, something really gross and come home and be like, 'Hi honey, how are you?"

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


i can see it. it's all clear now and i can't touch it.
what's the point in running when your legs won't work?
after the accident that occurred, my life has been turned upside down.
my thoughts are not those of evil and condescending ones.
instead, they follow the path of self righteousness.
my existence is quite comical and sometimes it makes me wonder.
will i ever get to where it is i'm going?
where am i going?
who will be there?
who will come with me?
am i alone?
are we all alone?
peach snapple and cool ranch doritos