Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Create. Resist.

All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home. It's hard to describe what I felt like then. Picture yourself walking for days in the driving snow; you don't even know you're walking in circles. The heaviness of your legs in the drifts, your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel, and how far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination. And the storm? The storm was all in my mind. Or as the poet Dante put it: In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path. Eventually I would find the right path, but in the most unlikely place. I love you not knowing how, why, or even from where. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep. What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference. Death. To die. To expire. To pass on. To perish. To peg out. To push up daisies. To push up posies. To become extinct. Curtains, deceased, Demised, departed And defunct. Dead as a doornail. Dead as a herring. Dead as a mutton. Dead as nits. The last breath. Paying a debt to nature. The big sleep. God's way of saying, "Slow down." Think about it.

Friday, October 26, 2007

I HOPE YOU DANCE

$35 taco bell dollars.
a penis lollipop
a box of gushers.
some pretzel goldfish
some starbursts
a nice steak dinner
dave gagliardi being my doppleganger
chicks in shorts and a cro-mags t shirt
saw lots of people and hung out with them
most importantly, cox is sleeping over
and he's wiggling his dick
got a cake, it sucked
BOOBIES
gave away some shirts
that must be worn in front of me.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

when it comes to expressing myself, i have the hardest time. my emotions change daily and that's something i've had to deal with my entire life. right now, everything just seems to be falling into place. i know what i have could be gone tomorrow and that life is precious but man i'm really living my life. tour, tour, tour, and more tour. i couldn't be more excited and happy. the way life has been presenting itself to me is amazing. my friends are there for me and, just like me, their lives are panning out pretty well. one of my friends is losing weight and staying happy and cooking and just that even puts me in a good mood. i mean, fuck, people spend so much time worrying if they're gonna have that white picket fence house and what job will provide but in reality if you don't live in the moment then what are you living for? some bullshit future? no thank you. i'm gonna be 22 and the opportunities that are coming my way are something i can't pass up. yea i might look back and say, "i could've chose a different but i don't regret it." how it that hard for someone to understand? all my heroes are underneath me. i don't need to impress anyone. i spent years yearning for approval from people that never really deserved it. i'm not saying that everyone that used to be there for me is completely worthless but it just wasn't working out. i hope down the road i can't connect with a select few and tell them, "time has shown me i was wrong and that if possible i'd like to pick up where we left off." you know it's that easy. well mouthing the words is, i don't know about the actions that would follow. so what's in my life that is making me write this? well there's my friends in trash talk who taking me out on tour to roadie. even though they are taking me to help them out with merch and equipment i owe them a lot. they are making my dreams of just being on the road and going places i've never been before and might not get to see again. you might ask, "nick, how is the whole girl situation?" i'd gladly respond with that isn't what is important right now. the only girls i want to talk to right now are lesbians ; ) i wouldn't say "fuck love" because that's not where my head is at. it just seems like bad timing, the whole wrong place, wrong time can be used to explain it. i have found i've been hanging out with my dog the most recently. he seriously is my best friend. no matter my mood, he still loves me. i love waking up.

1 love
take me home
you silly boy
put your arms around me
take me home
you silly boy
all the world's not round without you

I'm so sorry that I broke your heart
please don't leave my side
take me home
you silly boy
cause I'm still in love you

Monday, October 22, 2007

SERIOUSLY

I NEED SOMEONE WHO:
- will not want to fight all the time.
- will love my dog as much as i do
- will sit and watch hulk hogan dvd's
- will watch football with me on sundays
- will not mind if i come home with a huge gash in my head
- will go out of their way to see just like i go out of my way to see them
- will not put me last
- will not put me first
- will treat me equally and show me the same respect i show them
- likes integrity, sheer terror, and all the bands i'm friends with (or at least pretend to like them)
- will not be fake and change with the seasons and faces around them
- makes me laugh
- keeps me warm
- accepts that i'm not the most normal person around
- will be okay with my poop sense of fashion
- knows a little something about everything but not everything about something
- will let me ruin every picture they take
- knows that i will be me and only me and that's okay with them.

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LACK OF SLEEP, FEELING GOOD.

you know what?

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1 LOVE.

Friday, October 19, 2007

cool.

I LOVE BEING THE FLAVOR OF THE WEEK.
it's like one week i'm cool enough to be hung out with and the next three i'm just some faggot who doesn't deserve the time of day.
well nah, you can go fuck yourself.
all your friends can go fuck themselves.
and you're little lifestyle can go fuck itself.
i hope you or someone who is totally down for you steps to me.
you deserve all the shit you got.
you fucking ghost of person.
here one day gone for three months.
fuck you, i'm glad i'm leaving.
"oh my god nick, i can't believe you're leaving. = ("
fuck you, you fake ass bitch.
i really hope the worst for you.
i hope you cry more then you smile.
i hope you fail more then you succeed.
i hope all the bullshit foundations you built come crumbling down.
i've never felt so fucking used and played with then i do right now.
go fuck yourself.
tell your friends to go fuck themselves.
and i hope you guys all die in a car accident.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

repair, break, fix

I LOVE TACO TACOS
FROM TACO BELL

Monday, October 15, 2007

MY WEEKEND

FRIDAY - got there late saw coa's last song then played.

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SATURDAY - radio show was hilarious. drove to roller kingdom and played with mindpiece, reign supreme, and energy.

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SUNDAY - played with madball, outbreak, soul control and coa again.

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and that was that. it was awesome. i can only wish it happens again but i'm not entirely sure it will. one day, one day.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The more you ignore me
The closer I get
You're wasting your time
The more you ignore me
The closer I get
You're wasting your time

I will be
In the bar
With my head
On the bar
I am now
A central part
Of your mind's landscape
Whether you care
Or do not
Yeah, I've made up your mind


The more you ignore me
The closer I get
You're wasting your time
The more you ignore me
The closer I get
You're wasting your time


Beware !
I bear more grudges
Than lonely high court judges
When you sleep
I will creep
Into your thoughts
Like a bad debt
That you can't pay
Take the easy way
And give in
Yeah, and let me in
Oh, let me in
Oh let me ...
Oh, let me in
IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR
WAR
WAR
WAR
WAR
Oh, let me in
Ah, the closer I get
Ah, you're asking for it
Ah, the closer I get
Ooh, the closer I ...

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

IT'S NOTHING REALLY.
OR IS IT?