Monday, April 27, 2009

losing touch

for what it's worth, my feelings towards the subject have drastically changed. i no longer feel obligated to try and make something out of nothing. the process of building up has replaced the long treacherous journey of breaking down. my mind works in strange ways and tells me to wake when it's obviously time to rest. the gathering of sleepless nights under my eyes is starting to weigh me down but i can't withstand it. can't i? the pressure pushing down on my shoulders is unbearable but i'm ready and willing to put up a decent fight. bob and weave from would be punches in the form of my past. "nobody's gonna love you like i loved you, face it." what was once broken has been repaired and that which held great precedence in my life has now shriveled up into a ball of senseless drama, one that i refuse to acknowledge. i've found a new love, who's body fits perfectly in my hands. the beads of sweat that are casually exchanged in moments of pure joy and glee hold such importance and i don't know why. i don't think i want to know why. i'd rather just let life, well be life this time around. she's brilliant is her delivery and i stand at attention when she speaks. her words are mature but reek of underlying humor. things that every day people care about are simply brushed under the rug and turned into something that both her and i can laugh at for hours. her smile lights up the room i used to call my heart. the empty space that was vacated has now found an occupant that it can hold onto. i want to touch her, right now, at this very instance, i want her in my arms. the tossing and turning with her resting body has become a dance i've learned quite well. let's call it what it is, two bodies letting go of their realistic experience and giving into the feeling of comfort. i can count on no hands how many times i've wanted to burn down her memory. i'm alive for once and it's so uplifting.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

april eleventh two thousand nine

have you ever found death through a window?
just the gaze outside could drive a man insane.
the trees they are all so still.
motionless and calm.
i will never be like them.
i envy their security and their irresponsibility. 
my focus moves from outward to downward.
if the ground stopped yelling my name, i'd have a easier time moving away from the edge.
where's love in time of loss?
my only solace is now public infection.
gather up an army in my head.
i'd rather stay asleep instead.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

you say i'm scum

nothing to update
nothing to say
nothing to nothing
sometimes things just fall apart right before your eyes
most times you're surrounded by pretenders and liars
the weeding out process has taken its toll
history repeats itself in ways you will never understand

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


and not a single thing has changed.
there's no rescue from this.
every waking day is just like the last.
why bother changing when life still remains.
the smile has been wiped clean
and something has turned to nothing.
a poor excuse for a life
two faced, scarred memories.
hold me tight
after you wake in the morning
i'll be gone.