Sunday, August 31, 2008

an awkward moment for me

with ease I held my tongue and turned away. my face not frozen with
denial, but calm because truth sets the soul in place. if existing
only consisted of waking up, then I have played a terrible role in
enjoying life. my torments are that of a unsound human. I twist and
turn do to lack of sleep. my thoughts are no longer my own. they are
no one's at all. a wish? I never had one. a dream? I never remember
them. I am searching for something that doesn't want to be found. you
beg for forgiveness, while I beg to be forgotten. if finding the
answers means changing to fit other peoples views, then I'll forever
question. don't act like you know me, because I barely even know myself.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

words, just words.

i am the sum total of everything that went before me, 
of all that i have seen done, 
of everything done to me.
i am everyone,
everything whose being in the world affected 
and was affected by mine..
to understand me, you have to swallow a world.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

updates, updates, updates.

this was one of the best moments of my life.
watching two of my favorite players of all time, go head to head for that brief moment in time.
the memories will last a lifetime.

onto other things.
let's see, where to begin.
september 12th - october 7th: tour managing the years gone by for the rise records tour.
should be interesting, seeing as the bands involved and new experiences.
going into it with an open mind and such.
october 7th - october 9th: home for those two days.
trying to spend as much time with the ones who matter the most.
i'm not naming names, because well, i don't know who will be around or who i will even be friends with.
october 9th/10th - november 14th/15th: trash talk full us tour.
first couple dates are with every time i die. that should be interesting.
the whole tour is with alpha and omega. they are a good band and should be fun to watch.
we also are playing a CMJ showcase of some sorts in new york. more details when they come in.
gonna be playing gigs with war hungry, new lows, and bracewar.
gonna be a good time to be had.
november 19th - november 22nd: getting flown to alaska for two shows.
fly in, hang out.
next day play show.
next day play show.
next show fly back.
sounds like a great time to me.
after that the routing is uncertain with me.
i'm not sure where life will take me.
maybe it will take me into her arms or maybe i'll be tossed around like a little puppet.
i need to find direction in life.
or at least something to miss and look forward to seeing.

when all the dates get posted, they will be posted in here.
until then, peace i love you

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

more words

sleep isn't sleep, unless it's next to you. 
waking up to a new day only happens, when it's next to you. 
when it's dark, where do you go? 
when you return, please let me know.

it's a constant contest
of who marches fastest
where the losers always win
and the winners never finish

sun up, faces open
looking out a window into the ever changing world
growing older with every passing day
who saves the savior?
public voices parading around rumors
just to bring down false foundations 
build your defenses
and befriend your enemies
make nice with war
but remember their names
i've created a solace for you
shiny sidewalks and i wish you well
keep walking that line to luxury
can i have you to myself?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

words for dave

do you see the pain that stays

hidden in canyons on my face

an empty void that i've held with care

you were there but you weren't there

tell me is it meant to work

and prove that this life has worth


there's hope in the loneliest times

and lies within trust

hands out stretched for warmth

have only turned gold to dust

and love to lust

wrap me up in you

and hold me close

i've strayed too far from comfort

build us a wall

that keeps out insecurities

cause i'd rather be with you 

then alone with them

you opened up a feeling

that i didn't know existed

you bandaged my wounds

caressed my bruises and away you kiss it

pleased to meet you

the pleasure is mine

in time, this place will tear us apart

and the mark we made will disappear from their minds

here dave

do what you will

have times changed?

you still come to bed
in my head
when all things lovely only hurt my head
I can't look at myself the same
with all my mistakes
a miserable shell with nothing but a name
this skin
I live in
is only a place to hide
fairly responsible
for all my deeds
am I dead or just not alive?
we've grown weak
from this war beneath the sheets
and all our pride stripped away
you took advantage of the place I sleep

Friday, August 22, 2008

too much stress

and I haven't even thought of killing myself, in almost 5 months.

Monday, August 18, 2008

that weekend was great.

reading the comments on this video make me realize that people suck.
some people are just scared.
that's pretty much it.

updating the world.

things have been pretty cool.
hung out with war hungry and ceremony tonight.
i really needed that.
i miss the dudes from war hungry after doing the tour with them.
hoodrack, mook, alex, ian, and alex have all become close friends of mine.
i had a good time just talking and hanging out and being normal. or at least my version of normal was cool to experience for a night. 
it was also really nice to see ceremony. i hadn't seen those dudes since sound and fury and it was nice to catch up with them about their tour and the upcoming ones they got going. 
overall it was just refreshing to be in a room of people i call friends and feel at home.

things in my life have been a little hectic as of recent.
i've got some things to work out and get straight and then i'll be on a path of discovering where i'm going from here. 
i'm kind of bummed i never got my passport and that i'm not going to europe for the trash talk/paint it black tour this september, but i guess it's a good things.
it gives me time to get some shit together.
time to get my head straight.
time to fix things with her. (got off to a sour note)
time to make things work with other things.
and just a little more time to just have time to relax.
a lot of new things popped up recently that require my attention.
some make me happy and other make me stressed but that's life.
i'm happy. 
so to whomever is reading this, i hope you're happy too.
that's it for me.
peace, i love you.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

ahhhh the memories

if you don't remember this song, you suck.
this was hilarious when it dropped,
and now it's even funnier to watch and listen to.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Monday, August 11, 2008

: )

i still love you, but i don't love you.
i still need you, but i don't need you.
all my time is spent thinking of you,
but no longer, no longer.
not any longer.

the porch light is on

cause if you're not really here,
then i don't want to be either.
i wanna be next to you.
black and gold
black and gold

Saturday, August 9, 2008

yea taking a break

since tour is ending tomorrow this will probably be the last post in quite a while. i won't be frequently updating as much. i might still write in this but it just doesn't really have the feeling as it did when i have something to type about everyday. so with that being said i'll leave you with a mix of songs i put together for anyone who reads this to enjoy. they are probably nothing you'd expect me to post but it's what i love and i'll share it with you. so here's the list of tracks included and the download link. tell me what you think of it. maybe i'll make more.

01. Anthony Green - She Loves Me So
02. City And Colour -  I Don't Need to Know
03. Ace Enders - Red Eye
04. Neva Dinova - No One Loves Me
05. Coconut Records - It's Not You, It's Me
06. She & Him - You Really Got A Hold On Me
07.  Owen - A Bird In Hand
08. Billie Holiday - Love Me or Leave Me
09. I Am The Avalanche - Wasted
10. Dustin Kensrue - I Knew You Before
11. Cat Power - Maybe Not
12. Minus the Bear - White Mystery
13. Doreen Painchaud - Track 2

that's it for now.
peace, i love you.

Friday, August 8, 2008


you're gonna be the one that saves me

to a point

this explains my life?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


todays drive is 12 hours. the movies I'm watching are hancock, hellboy
2 (again), wanted and wall-e. it should be an exciting ride. okay,
thats it. peace, I love you.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

a quick update

sitting for the past 3 days in austin, texas is pretty cool. we've been doing nothing at all and it's been awesome. i've been playing ncaa09 against alex and we're tied 2-2. we went to some swimming hole and swam for a while before going to some restaurant. this tour has been great so far. i met ian of lion of judah and he's probably one of the funniest dudes i've met in a long time. hoodrack is great to be around cause he's kinda like me, into having a good time but also chills out when it's necessary.  we have 5 more days of this tour til i'm home and i don't know exactly what i'm doing. there's some opportunities for me that have come up and i might take some of them into consideration. we all make mistakes and we all say we're sorry, but when does one actually say and do the right thing. i've come to a crossroad in my life. and i'm happy right now. truly, i am. i know things will get better because right now not everything is peachy keen. let me say, i'm proud of the things i call my own, but a lot of it has to go. i'll be in philadelphia on the 10th or 11th and need a ride home, if anyone can help me out with that it would be greatly appreciated. i'll love you forever. thanks. that's it for now. peace, i love you.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


this is how my sound and fury looked.

wait til the end and you'll see what i'm talking about.

Friday, August 1, 2008


stayed at joes house ive seen him a lot the past week. hung out and
was really for a little bit then decided to go to the mall to kill
some time. I got a new pair if shoes because I completely ruined my
black vans while playing and beating alex and ian in a 2 on 2 game
with my teammate gary from violation. yea but I came across this
little guy in the mall and it made me miss dwid a lot and the other
little guy I got waiting for me to come home. times are alright but
they aren't too stable but its whatever. life is complicated but I
won't stop trying to figure it out. peace, I love you.


I can't trust myself with anything I miss.