Thursday, February 14, 2008

the loneliest socialite

i've been falling asleep this whole week to three very different artists. Sigur Ros, Cat Power, and City and Color have all been on constant rotation on my ihome. i can't say why it's been those three but something about them either calms me down or just makes me tired. (or does both at the same time) my every day life has been rather simple. i'm either doing nothing or out doing something. i like looking at things simple like that. i've cancelled some friendships, or cut ties have you. it's not that there was a falling out or a huge argument, it was just that i didn't feel that there was a friend vibe and such. i guess most of them deserve a "hi" if i ever saw them in public but how often does that happen. (almost never) it's crazy when you examine things. i am not a simple human being. i'm as complex as they come. people are so intriguing when you beak down their flaws and positives. all the world does it, it's called judging someone based off looks, rumors, and .01% facts you know of them. i'd be lying if i said i never participated in the prejudice of not knowing someone so i'll just hate them. i don't think i'm like that anymore. and i might not be putting myself out there to meet everyone in this world but i'm more polite. i guess it's called being more mature or growing up but i just see it as a lesson i learned back in the day and now i'm practicing it. i have some good friends now a days. i made a lot of them by coming out of my shell and just being me and to my surprise they actually didn't mind me being a long haired weirdo who likes music and is comfortable in most situations. 

when i woke up this morning, it was valentine's day. in the past i'd worry about getting presents for my loved one, my significant other, but i didn't have that burden this time around. and i have someone to get something for, it's just i didn't feel like any present or chocolate or flowers could truly represent me as a person and my worth. the other person's worth to me is a for greater then some last minute present i picked up (insert random place with cheap items) on the way to see them. the fact of the matter is i spent valentines day in my bed laying with my dogs and listening to them snore in the mid day while i watched sportscenter. yes nothing special to any of you reading this, but it was a great day for me. and even though i ended up with a massive headache, the day was great. i spent time with my sister jess and my mom. i was just so happy to be out and about with them doing things they needed to do. i know i'm not the best person in my family. i'm not the shining star by no means but i'm learning that if you don't have family you just have a dead end to look forward to. 

in conclusion, i've realized that the people and the things you surround yourself with are what defines you and what represents you when you're long gone. i have bare walls in my room besides for a few big l records and a michael jordan jersey on the wall. 
next to my bed there's a table with an ihome, a winter beanie, some magazines and books, and some assorted stuffed animals i've been given.

so this is me. content with where i'm at but still hungry enough to keep pushing myself to gain the things i want in life. i can honestly say i'm happy to some extent and i've finally reached a place of solace that i can cope with and work with.

one love and peace to the gods.

1 comment:

Elise said...

1. you're smiling, weird.

2. i see BABY sneaks. GIMME!!