when it comes to expressing myself, i have the hardest time. my emotions change daily and that's something i've had to deal with my entire life. right now, everything just seems to be falling into place. i know what i have could be gone tomorrow and that life is precious but man i'm really living my life. tour, tour, tour, and more tour. i couldn't be more excited and happy. the way life has been presenting itself to me is amazing. my friends are there for me and, just like me, their lives are panning out pretty well. one of my friends is losing weight and staying happy and cooking and just that even puts me in a good mood. i mean, fuck, people spend so much time worrying if they're gonna have that white picket fence house and what job will provide but in reality if you don't live in the moment then what are you living for? some bullshit future? no thank you. i'm gonna be 22 and the opportunities that are coming my way are something i can't pass up. yea i might look back and say, "i could've chose a different but i don't regret it." how it that hard for someone to understand? all my heroes are underneath me. i don't need to impress anyone. i spent years yearning for approval from people that never really deserved it. i'm not saying that everyone that used to be there for me is completely worthless but it just wasn't working out. i hope down the road i can't connect with a select few and tell them, "time has shown me i was wrong and that if possible i'd like to pick up where we left off." you know it's that easy. well mouthing the words is, i don't know about the actions that would follow. so what's in my life that is making me write this? well there's my friends in trash talk who taking me out on tour to roadie. even though they are taking me to help them out with merch and equipment i owe them a lot. they are making my dreams of just being on the road and going places i've never been before and might not get to see again. you might ask, "nick, how is the whole girl situation?" i'd gladly respond with that isn't what is important right now. the only girls i want to talk to right now are lesbians ; ) i wouldn't say "fuck love" because that's not where my head is at. it just seems like bad timing, the whole wrong place, wrong time can be used to explain it. i have found i've been hanging out with my dog the most recently. he seriously is my best friend. no matter my mood, he still loves me. i love waking up.